By Shad Begum[1]
At the
outset, I want to appreciate all those men, especially our Pakhtun brothers,
from whom I received respect – both as a person and for my work. I do not want
to label all Pakhtun men as ill-mannered and disrespectful to Pakhtun women on
social media.
I am a
social entrepreneur, a women rights activist, married and a mother of two
amazing kids – 14 and 12 years old. My work requirements compel me to use
social media such as Facebook and Twitter for promoting my work and creating a
larger impact through reaching a wide audience, locally and globally.
I
belong to a conservative rural area, and for many of the women of my area, it
is unimaginable to disclose their pictures and identity locally, let alone to
publish it on the social media.
But
being a Pakhtun woman and on the social media with a real persona is not an
easy task. Sometimes the behavior of some Pakhtun men becomes so undesirable
that I have deactivated my account a number of times. One gentleman collected
my pictures from my wall on Facebook and published it with the caption, “this
is Shad Begum from Dir. These are her own published pictures on Facebook. Just
decide yourself which of these pictures are according to Islam or Pashtunwali.”
I had to review all posted pictures of myself, which I had taken during my work
related activities.
Facebook
gives you limited options to define your relationship with your contacts on
Facebook. Many Pakhtuns consider acceptance of a “friend request” to be beyond
an acquaintanceship. There are even “friend’s requests” by strangers but
acceptance of a “friend request” does not mean anything beyond sharing of
useful information on Facebook.
I feel
embarrassed when men in my list send friend request to women on my list, and
even more when I hear from those women friends that someone on my list has
harassed them.
I know
respected figures sending inappropriate messages through messenger, and I have
them on record. Many Pakhtun men believe that Facebook, Twitter, or mobile
phones are a good entertainment to kill time and develop friendships with
women.
Forget
messages through messenger. There are people who comment on my wall in a manner
that put me in embarrassment before my family, some of them are also using
Facebook and reading my posts and comments. None of these stranger “friends”
realize that inappropriate comments on the wall of a Pakhtun woman deprives her
of the space that she has been allowed in an otherwise conservative environment
where women have limited mobility or interaction with our Pakhtun brothers.
Thus, by their inappropriate behavior and poor manners toward women, they
further deprive these women of the only space to interact with men in a healthy
and positive manner and know each others’ problems.
Healthy
behaviors between genders are formed through positive attitudes. We Pakhtun
cannot equal other nations and communities if we do not reform our attitude
towards women.
I do
not want to single out Pakhtun community or their men for harassing women on
social media. This might be experienced by other women too from other
communities, but my work, my space, my world, and everything related to
Pakhtuns; therefore, I consider it my right voice my concern on the misuse of
social media by our Pakhtun brothers.
I hope
that my thoughts and feelings are considered in a positive manner and with
greater understanding, rather than demonizing the attitude of Pakhtun men.
Please keep us, Pakhtun women, in your prayers, Pakhtun brothers and allow us
to build a society based on mutual respect and tolerance, together.
***
[1] Ms. Shad Begum, belonging to Dir Lower district in Khyber
Pakhtunkhwa, is a woman social entrepreneur working for the economic, political
and social empowerment of women since 1994. She is the founder member and
Executive Director Association for Behaviour & knowledge Transformation
(ABKT), an Ashoka Fellow, and in recognition of her extraordinary work
for the rights of women, she has been awarded several national and
international awards, including the International Woman of Courage Award by the
US State Department. She has remained a district councillor in Dir Lower during
2001-2005, after winning the election on a general seat as an independent
candidate. She is on the Advisory Boards of several prestigious
international women organisations and is also a member of the UN Strategic
Guidance Group of the N-Peace Network, a global network of women peacemakers
around the world.
